13 posts tagged “kiddos”
I’ve been feeling rather guilty lately. I’m not sure if I can chalk it up to post-holiday blahness or actual mommy-duty neglect, but the feeling is present, ominous and kicking my ass.
The return to school for both kids was rough. N still cried every morning and G’s gotten in on the act, becoming clingier and clingier. After school, N is fine but G has seemed sad. I’m not sure if it’s a lot of the kids, but he’s definitely having some issues with a few. Just the little comments kids make, mostly. But he’s a sensitive kid and he takes these things to heart. I think he’s also struggling with his writing issues. I need to encourage him, to work with him but any help is declined immediately. Well, I suppose that’s where the OT needs to step in.
And thus arises another source on Mommy guilt. G needs OT- Mommy hasn’t provided it. YET. We just switched insurances and I need to figure out which OT’s are covered and which we be a good fit. That’s my goal this week. I feel as though I should have been on this earlier- I mean, any “good” mommy would have run right out and got the ball rolling as soon as OT was suggested. But this insurance change was coming up, as were the holidays and I just wanted a break. Just to pretend things were “normal”, easy for just a week or two. Of course that week or two didn’t go smoothly; hellish might be a good word for certain moments. But I got those couple of weeks off with no appointments to go to or worry about scheduling.
Once the OT is set, time to start calling about that pesky sleep study that’s been suggested. How exactly do you do a sleep study on a 4 year old? Oh- and allergy testing. Something, anything to explain the horrible nights of sleep and constantly blackened eyes. Because wouldn’t it be lovely if all of this- the behaviors, the sensitivities, everything – were just due to crappy sleep? Hmph. I wish.
Anyhow, when I drop the kids off in the morning, the guilt rises again, right up in my throat causing tears to well up. It drops down into my stomach during the rest of the day- sometimes I forget it but mostly it’s there causing this unsettled feeling that I seemingly think can be quelled with mass quantities of chocolate and coffee. Note: it can’t. My thighs, instead, are beneficiaries of my nutritional therapy.
So what? Do I quit? The boss (and the atmosphere he creates) is a horribly challenging. But stay at home all day? I tried that before and it drove me batty. And the job comes with this new, lovely health insurance that I hear so many good things about. Hub’s options are fine, but my option (yep, just one!) is one of the best in our state.
The kids need the socialization but I hate seeing the sadness every day before and after school. I hate holding my breath as a walk in the door looking to see if we have a “see teacher” note on the cubby. I hate worrying all day long…
And I hate making decisions.
Not quite.
The majority of my extended family lives in New England- NH to be specific. We spent 5 years living there including G’s earliest. Since we headed South, we’d only traveled back once. With M’s work going off-the-charts crazy and my work giving us a lovely week’s vacation, I grabbed the kids and my mom as backup and we headed North the day after Christmas.
Prior to leaving, we kept talking about the trip to prepare G as he doesn’t adjust well to new situations and everything comes with multiple warnings (even upcoming meals get 5-minute warnings around here.) “We’re going north!” “We’re going to see great grandma & grandpa!” “There will be lots of snow to play in!” And so on.
We get in the car, start driving and say “Are you excited? Where are we going?”
The response? “Alaska!”
Erm, not quite, thank God. That’s a lot of hours in a car.
Santa, smart guy that he is, brought the kids a new portable DVD player for the car and we loaded up movies for the trip. Overall the trip North was fine until Connecticut where 84 was closed due to a fatal accident. Luckily a shopping mall was close by, so we turned the little balls of energy loose there. An hour later we were back on the now-open road and pulled into NH a mere 13 hours after we left. Note: this trip should take 9-10 hours.
The first hour was spent trying to calm the little boy screaming “I want to go home, I NOT ready for this!" Good times, good times. I think he only woke one of the two sleeping people in the house at that hour.
The visits with family during the week were lovely as was the sled riding. The kids’ behavior was not so lovely. I’m not sure I’ll be travelling with them again anytime soon. Or ever.
Note to self: cancel Disney reservations for later this year. New situations + hotel room + giant costumed scary creatures = living hell to be sure.
Trip Summary
The Good
- Time with family
- Snowman building, sled riding, snow angels.
- Seafood. Duh.
- Being in town for my cousin’s best birthday gift ever- the birth of his second son. Holding a 2-hour old baby is always a wonderful thing. Welcome, baby Z!
The Bad
- Car rides. Loooooong car rides.
- Taking a kid with Aspie tendencies anywhere new. Far too much havoc is wreaked everywhere we go
- The cold. Damn, that snow is cold. Florida is looking better and better to me.
- Missing of the husband. He’s so darn good at the kid wrangling thing.
- Did I mention the car rides?
My streak of practicing the opposite of NaBloPoMo (NaNoBloPoMo perhaps?) continues as December gallops toward its end. Just too many things going on and too much stuff inside my head.
The holidays are right up there, of course. Making sure we have all of the gifts, that they're wrapped and in order for all of the parties we have to attend. (The last one was today, yippeee!) The house is clean for guests, the grocery list made. Just a quick trip to the grocery store and some easy baking and we're truly ready. Wow.
The biggest issues, as always, have centered around the boy. It's like the excitement of the month has caused a major backwards trend and it's been a real struggle. It's been tough to deal with and even tougher to see him struggle with himself. I never imagined how heartbreaking it was to see your child struggle with classmates comments and his own perception of himself and his behaviors. If that makes no sense, I apologize. It's late but I really just want to jot some thoughts down so I actually might elaborate on them down the road.
Digression: see, almost every night before bed I think of a million things I want to write about. I write these amazingly funny and touching blog posts in my head but they disappear in the light of the morning or fade with the craziness of the day. So I turned the computer on tonight and while it's not touching or funny, at least it's words and they make me feel better at least.
Anyhow, as much as I love the holidays and seeing my children enjoying them, this year has been truly bittersweet. Instead of reveling in the joyful faces, I'm watching closely, studying how the chaos and excitement actually effects my child, causing stress and overexciting him to the point of pretty rough behavior. I see him struggle with focusing on opening gifts instead bursting with energy and jumping out of his skin. I see dark bags forming under eyes - not from waiting up for Santa but from the interrupted sleep by bad dreams about friends being mean and the stress of being good this time of year.
It's amazing how your perspective can change so much in one year.
Wow. One month of NaBloPoMo obviously didn't instill ANY good habits at all for me, did it?
I'm blaming the germ invasion that took over the house. Human forces, armed with Vicks and Mucinex, are attempting to drive out the intruders prior to homeland festivities scheduled for 12/25 but the battle is expected to be challenging.
Force leader (aka Mom) has pulled herself from double duty (aka real job) to focus efforts on the home front with little success. Immersing herself in the battle only allowed the germs to increase their stronghold. After a quiet weekend on the front, the human forces do seem to be making a resurgence and all hopes are that everyone can pull double duty (school/work) with ease while still making process on the germ-eradication front.
So yeah- we've all been sick. A lot. And I was tired of hearing myself whine on twitter and assumed (gosh, I hate that word!) that it would be best to avoid it here as well. But, there are Christmas lights twinkling at the end of the tunnel and I think I feel a bit of Christmas spirit finally pushing its way though the mucus-filled cavities in my body.
Stay tuned for more battle updates...
I apologize for that! We've been home sick again - N has been feverish and pretty miserable which actually works out since I've been sniffly and my throat is raw. Yep- I'm whiney.
Others things have been going on and I'll update on those topics soon. For now though? You get left with the letter to Santa dictated to me by Mr. G today....
Dear Santa,
Please bring me an orange Home Depot car for Christmas. I would like it - I like orange. Please bring N a purple grape car.
We also want orange booger-taker-outers - toy ones. One for me and one for N.
Nora also wants a new baby.
Love,
G, N and Mom
Notes: No, we do not watch Nascar but the kid is obsessed with orange. Thus, a Home Depot car. We do not know what a purple grape car is. Booger-taker-outers are those suction bulb things (aha- nasal aspirators!) that suck boogers out of a baby's nose. I do not know why my kids would want them as toys, nor where I could find them in orange if Santa was so inclined.
I've said it before, but welcome to my weird little world.
A good (albeit a touch old) piece for those who struggle with the children's issues and the idea of medication... just like me.
This what I'm supposed to be learning from this whole kiddo thing right? It finally hit me today- slap. Like a cold, wet rag to the face.
I have always been a person of very little patience. You do something, you move on. I don't dilly dally. With kids, sure that's been tested. That's a given about becoming a parent. But with add in some issues with change and everything slows to a crawl.
Lately, I'm a 1/2 hour late leaving for work. The transitions from bed to breakfast to getting dressed are so slow. If you rush, meltdown ensues.
Drop off take another 1/2 hour or so. We must follow the routine- long chat before I leave, then drawn out kisses/signs in the classroom window. Pick up takes just as long.
It's a struggle for the teacher too. I'm not sure if it's getting worse or we're just noticing more. We're more watchful now- now that OT's, therapists, and other medical professionals are involved, asking us questions almost weekly. I get worried that I'm watching so closely that I might be over-reacting, making things up. Maybe I am? Maybe we are? I do think the good days are getting more frequent but I'm seeing more and more things that concern me.
At last week's appointment, we were asked questions (a test of sorts, perhaps?) that the therapist plans to evaluate and discuss with us next week. I think it's the big possible ruling out (or in) of austism, aspergers, etc. Some days I expect them all to be ruled out, to be told I have a kid that's challenging and needs some extra attention to help him with some sensitivies. Other days, I think that it's going to be something along those lines and I get overwhelmed with how I can deal with all that it means.
So, patience. That's where this post started right? Learning patience? Yep, working on that. Next up, strength. The other thing I'm learning lately is that I'm extremely lacking in that as well.
What is it- day 19 or so? I'm tired, busy and I've got nothing.
Hmmm....
I Christmas shopped today. The boy is tough. I ask him what he wants - he suggest maybe orange ice cream for his kitchen and some straws. Seriously.
It would be a cheapo Christmas if I hadn't already bought a few things...
Yes- let it. We drove north today for a family birthday party and found ourselves in 3" of snow. It's a bit early for it, but it does help build the excitement for Christmas, that's for sure. I didn't feel like such a knob listening to Christmas tunes in the car.
Of course, I had no idea we were headed for this type of weather, so I was woefully unprepared. The boy ran around in his fleece throwing snowballs with his bare hands until I drug him inside. They were purple and felt like ice. Yikes!
The girl obviously couldn't remember snow from last year so she walked along tentatively in it saying "gucky?" every so often. That opinion was solidified when her darling brother nailed her in the face with a snowball (at least it was a soft, wet one.)
A snowman was built but promptly lowered his head in shame, then apparently was so mortified that he lost it completely. Poor guy. The rest of him was stomped to bits by the boys.
We grabbed FIL's camera and tried to get a real snow pic for the Christmas card - we succeeded in that we have both kids standing in the snow. Both look as though they're nearly ready to attack something, but I kind of like it anyhow. I might just go with it.
And that's the news from the Mid-Atlantic, USA...
I logged on today with the intention of talking a bit about the shopping I did last night for Christmas when a post on the "What's New on Vox" caught my eye:
Very good stuff, people. I love to read things like this. I think many in my family tend to go overboard at Christmas. Maybe not some in my immediate family, thank goodness, but those around us and I worry about its effect on my kids as they get older.
Each year, I develop a budget and stick pretty closely to it. I don't like clutter so I try to be cautious about the amount of things that find their way into our home. Add in the whole Chinese-made toys mess, and it makes it pretty easy to be even more careful this year.
I did a huge chunk of shopping online last night. I carefully picked out a few books for each kid, then a couple of toys that I truly hope are safe- a big lego set for the boy and a Little People house for the girl. I've already had personalized superhero capes made by an etsy seller. I think they'll be a big hit. My daughter loves dress up, so I have a tutu and matching ribbon halo on order by another work-at-home Mom.
Still to consider: a doll (I wanted a cabbage patch, but need to research their origins) and a doll stroller (likely to be the ugly Little Tikes ones that's made in the USA) and something else for the boy? We do have an advanced Doctor's Kit set aside for him, complete with a personalized bag and a light up torso model (purchased before the China concerns unfortunately.) Maybe a family game to top it all off?
Sound reasonable? Crazy? What's your method of controlling the craziness or don't you bother?
