I've been working on a couple of small business blogs on wordpress and I desperately need to practice before doing things to "real" blogs.  So I've moved along to my own little site at Juggling Jello - visitors always welcome.  I do love Vox and the people I've discovered here dearly and plan to do my best to check in weekly or so to catch up.

See you around!

What are you saving up for? 
Submitted by Star. 

I need a getaway.  One that involves a decent amount of wine.  And cafe-sitting.

Eiffel Tower

I’ve been feeling rather guilty lately.  I’m not sure if I can chalk it up to post-holiday blahness or actual mommy-duty neglect, but the feeling is present, ominous and kicking my ass.  

The return to school for both kids was rough.  N still cried every morning and G’s gotten in on the act, becoming clingier and clingier.  After school, N is fine but G has seemed sad.  I’m not sure if it’s a lot of the kids, but he’s definitely having some issues with a few.  Just the little comments kids make, mostly.  But he’s a sensitive kid and he takes these things to heart.  I think he’s also struggling with his writing issues.  I need to encourage him, to work with him but any help is declined immediately.   Well, I suppose that’s where the OT needs to step in.

And thus arises another source on Mommy guilt.  G needs OT- Mommy hasn’t provided it.  YET.  We just switched insurances and I need to figure out which OT’s are covered and which we be a good fit.  That’s my goal this week.   I feel as though I should have been on this earlier- I mean, any “good” mommy would have run right out and got the ball rolling as soon as OT was suggested.  But this insurance change was coming up, as were the holidays and I just wanted a break.  Just to pretend things were “normal”, easy for just a week or two.  Of course that week or two didn’t go smoothly; hellish might be a good word for certain moments.  But I got those couple of weeks off with no appointments to go to or worry about scheduling.

Once the OT is set, time to start calling about that pesky sleep study that’s been suggested.  How exactly do you do a sleep study on a 4 year old?  Oh- and allergy testing.  Something, anything to explain the horrible nights of sleep and constantly blackened eyes.  Because wouldn’t it be lovely if all of this- the behaviors, the sensitivities, everything – were just due to crappy sleep?  Hmph.  I wish.

Anyhow, when I drop the kids off in the morning, the guilt rises again, right up in my throat causing tears to well up.  It drops down into my stomach during the rest of the day- sometimes I forget it but mostly it’s there causing this unsettled feeling that I seemingly think can be quelled with mass quantities of chocolate and coffee.  Note:  it can’t.  My thighs, instead, are beneficiaries of my nutritional therapy.  

So what?  Do I quit?  The boss (and the atmosphere he creates) is a horribly challenging.    But stay at home all day?  I tried that before and it drove me batty.   And the job comes with this new, lovely health insurance that I hear so many good things about.  Hub’s options are fine, but my option (yep, just one!) is one of the best in our state. 

The kids need the socialization but I hate seeing the sadness every day before and after school.  I hate holding my breath as a walk in the door looking to see if we have a “see teacher” note on the cubby.  I hate worrying all day long…

And I hate making decisions.

Not quite. 

The majority of my extended family lives in New England- NH to be specific.  We spent 5 years living there including G’s earliest.  Since we headed South, we’d only traveled back once.  With M’s work going off-the-charts crazy and my work giving us a lovely week’s vacation, I grabbed the kids and my mom as backup and we headed North the day after Christmas.

Prior to leaving, we kept talking about the trip to prepare G as he doesn’t adjust well to new situations and everything comes with multiple warnings (even upcoming meals get 5-minute warnings around here.)  “We’re going north!”  “We’re going to see great grandma & grandpa!”  “There will be lots of snow to play in!” And so on.

We get in the car, start driving and say “Are you excited?  Where are we going?” 

The response?  “Alaska!” 

Erm, not quite, thank God.  That’s a lot of hours in a car.
 
Santa, smart guy that he is, brought the kids a new portable DVD player for the car and we loaded up movies for the trip.  Overall the trip North was fine until Connecticut where 84 was closed due to a fatal accident.  Luckily a shopping mall was close by, so we turned the little balls of energy loose there.  An hour later we were back on the now-open road and pulled into NH a mere 13 hours after we left.  Note: this trip should take 9-10 hours.

The first hour was spent trying to calm the little boy screaming “I want to go home, I NOT ready for this!"  Good times, good times.  I think he only woke one of the two sleeping people in the house at that hour.

The visits with family during the week were lovely as was the sled riding.  The kids’ behavior was not so lovely.  I’m not sure I’ll be travelling with them again anytime soon.  Or ever. 

Note to self: cancel Disney reservations for later this year.  New situations + hotel room + giant costumed scary creatures = living hell to be sure.

Trip Summary
The Good
- Time with family
- Snowman building, sled riding, snow angels. 
- Seafood.  Duh.
- Being in town for my cousin’s best birthday gift ever- the birth of his second son.  Holding a 2-hour old baby is always a wonderful thing.  Welcome, baby Z!

The Bad
- Car rides.   Loooooong car rides.
- Taking a kid with Aspie tendencies anywhere new.  Far too much havoc is wreaked everywhere we go
- The cold.  Damn, that snow is cold.  Florida is looking better and better to me.
- Missing of the husband.  He’s so darn good at the kid wrangling thing. 
- Did I mention the car rides?

Massive blog posting/whining to commence soon (ha!) about the joys (not!) of traveling out of state for a week with a stressed out little boy and a teething toddler. 

Good stuff.  Really.

Happy 2008! 

Smooches to all.

Have a wonderful day with your friends and family.

My streak of practicing the opposite of NaBloPoMo (NaNoBloPoMo perhaps?) continues as December gallops toward its end.  Just too many things going on and too much stuff inside my head.

The holidays are right up there, of course.  Making sure we have all of the gifts, that they're wrapped and in order for all of the parties we have to attend.  (The last one was today, yippeee!)  The house is clean for guests, the grocery list made.  Just a quick trip to the grocery store and some easy baking and we're truly ready.  Wow.

The biggest issues, as always, have centered around the boy.  It's like the excitement of the month has caused a major backwards trend and it's been a real struggle.  It's been tough to deal with and even tougher to see him struggle with himself.  I never imagined how heartbreaking it was to see your child struggle with classmates comments and his own perception of himself and his behaviors.  If that makes no sense, I apologize.  It's late but I really just want to jot some thoughts down so I actually might elaborate on them down the road. 

Digression:  see, almost every night before bed I think of a million things I want to write about.  I write these amazingly funny and touching blog posts in my head but they disappear in the light of the morning or fade with the craziness of the day.  So I turned the computer on tonight and while it's not touching or funny, at least it's words and they make me feel better at least.

Anyhow, as much as I love the holidays and seeing my children enjoying them, this year has been truly bittersweet.  Instead of reveling in the joyful faces, I'm watching closely, studying how the chaos and excitement actually effects my child, causing stress and overexciting him to the point of pretty rough behavior.  I see him struggle with focusing on opening gifts instead bursting with energy and jumping out of his skin.  I see dark bags forming under eyes - not from waiting up for Santa but from the interrupted sleep by bad dreams about friends being mean and the stress of being good this time of year.

It's amazing how your perspective can change so much in one year.

Wow.  One month of NaBloPoMo obviously didn't instill ANY good habits at all for me, did it? 

I'm blaming the germ invasion that took over the house.  Human forces, armed with Vicks and Mucinex, are attempting to drive out the intruders prior to homeland festivities scheduled for 12/25 but the battle is expected to be challenging. 

Force leader (aka Mom) has pulled herself from double duty (aka real job) to focus efforts on the home front with little success.  Immersing herself in the battle only allowed the germs to increase their stronghold.  After a quiet weekend on the front, the human forces do seem to be making a resurgence and all hopes are that everyone can pull double duty (school/work) with ease while still making process on the germ-eradication front.

So yeah- we've all been sick.  A lot.  And I was tired of hearing myself whine on twitter and assumed (gosh, I hate that word!) that it would be best to avoid it here as well.  But, there are Christmas lights twinkling at the end of the tunnel and I think I feel a bit of Christmas spirit finally pushing its way though the mucus-filled cavities in my body.

Stay tuned for more battle updates...

I apologize for that!  We've been home sick again - N has been feverish and pretty miserable which actually works out since I've been sniffly and my throat is raw.  Yep- I'm whiney. 

Others things have been going on and I'll update on those topics soon.  For now though?  You get left with the letter to Santa dictated to me by Mr. G today....

Dear Santa,

Please bring me an orange Home Depot car for Christmas.  I would like it - I like orange.  Please bring N a purple grape car. 

We also want orange booger-taker-outers - toy ones.  One for me and one for N. 

Nora also wants a new baby.

Love,

G, N and Mom

Notes:  No, we do not watch Nascar but the kid is obsessed with orange.  Thus, a Home Depot car.  We do not know what a purple grape car is.  Booger-taker-outers are those suction bulb things (aha- nasal aspirators!) that suck boogers out of a baby's nose.  I do not know why my kids would want them as toys, nor where I could find them in orange if Santa was so inclined.

I've said it before, but welcome to my weird little world.